I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize