there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
