bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
