drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
