I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
