Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
