if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
