SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
