Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
