I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
