I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Sext me about skeletons
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
