She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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