yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Randomize
