Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
