I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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