Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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