It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
