Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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