I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
