Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize