She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
