I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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