i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
