I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
