Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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