her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
