Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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