I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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