to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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