Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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