Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
