i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
