He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize