if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
