my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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