I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
