Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
