I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
