oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
