but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
