Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
