Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He did a backflip because drugs
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
