i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
