What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
