Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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