we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Betty ford says i'm here all night
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
