smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
