she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
