One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
