So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
