I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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