sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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