How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
