This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
