I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
COCAINE IS GR8
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
