im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
