??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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