thus making me awesome and them whores
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Damn victory sex feels great
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