Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
