that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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