Kiss
Puke
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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