sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
