I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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