Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
