when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
