Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
