I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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