Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
