so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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