so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
