I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
