We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
