Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
