her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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