This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
