this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
