I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
