Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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