New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
