I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
