She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Randomize
