so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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