My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We're too hungover to prance.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
