Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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